"Sometimes, you have to choose between them and you. If loving them is hurting you, it's time to walk away."

That's exactly what I did when a friendship got to be way too much to maintain. A few months later, I thought maybe we could rekindle the friendship. My friend was in the 'healing arts.' She preached a whole bunch of self-help, forgiveness, and we are all one mantras. I thought we'd be able to have a discussion. Nope, that was never to be.She insisted on being the victim, even though she wasn't the victim of anything. She was a shitty friend. Rarely in touch. And, when she was, everything was about her. Sometimes, she'd realize she'd hogged the conversation, so she'd ask me how I was doing. She'd listen long enough to get an answer, then ask more questions. Her questions only required yes or no for answers. Then, almost as if she was reading from a script, she'd ask a question that would invite greater details from me, and once I started answering, she'd have some intense, fast, almost emergency reason why she had to go. This went on for years.

My dumbass put up with it for far too long. One time, I tried to talk to her about why she'd do this - get close, share things, then all of sudden, be out of touch, distant, and rarely call, or answer my calls, and slow to return them. She claimed I was "too attached." I never did understand what the hell that meant. Still don't. Everything we were doing was normal female friendship. At least that's how it was with my other friends, and none of them reacted this way. She didn't speak to me for 3 months after that, and the only thing that broke the ice was her calling to thank me for her birthday present.

We went 4 years without any sort of, as she puts it, "confrontation." Yeah, because I didn't challenge her or ask her any questions. I pulled away myself. My calls to her became infrequent. I was slow to return her calls. I did the whole 'being a mirror thing' but it didn't lead to anything. For a short while, it seemed to lead to an increase in calls from her, trying to reach me, but only because she had something intense going on in her life.

Guilt weighed heavily on my mind a couple of months after I stopped calling and blocked her from calls and texts, and on social media. I reached out, thinking a conversation would be possible. Like I said at the beginning, she wasn't having it. She insisted that she was the victim. She made it seem like I was the one who wanted so much from her. No, I didn't. I just didn't like getting taken advantage of and it took me 7 years (since we'd gotten back in touch) to realize she was just a selfish, self-centered, narcissistic bitch.And, it took me months to realize exactly what that meant. Because I fed into that. I called her, texted her, and practically groveled and begged for her to be my friend again. The pain was unreal. Slowly, though, it started to fade, and now? It's still there, but not raw, not intense, and only really hurts if I keep thinking about her. But, why think about a selfish, self-centered, narcissistic bitch?I'd thought for 2 weeks, I'd email, text, or call her for the big birthday she just had. I didn't. That's progress.

#bitch, #narcissist, #self-centered, #selfish, #shittyfriend, #timetowalkaway, #victim

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Description: Two FriendsDate: January 2008Source: FotoguruAuthor: Iaconianni Family

She - A Fiction 1

I noticed her. Her smile. Her friendly, pleasant demeanor. Something about her, right from the first time I saw her, just grabbed me. I couldn't stop thinking about her. It was driving me crazy. We'd been introduced and hung out with the whole group, but never had a one-on-one conversation, yet she invaded my brain like nobody else ever had.

I have girls at every gig that let me know they're ready, willing, and able to do whatever, wherever, and however. All I have to do is say the word. It's what I dreamed of when we got these gigs. Honestly, I never took advantage of it because they were skanky and desperate, and that's just not a good look. I'm not ready to settle down and get married. I just want somebody to be there. I want one steady girl in my life that I can count on. Somebody who'll be there for me. Somebody I can be there for. Sometimes, my heart aches because I want this so badly. It eludes me and makes me sad. I look at my brother, Dirk, and he has a girlfriend. He met her at work. Then, there's bizarre Fitz, who even managed to get a girl. She was a looker, too, and nice. I didn't want her, but a guy could do worse. I was even feeling envious of the relationship between Marty & Hayden. They're gay! You know something is wrong when you start feeling envious of your gay bandmates.

Her name was Brooke. She'd come over as an exchange student athlete to the University and was best friends with Paul's girlfriend, Alexis. Paul, Art, Ed, and Lance had met Brooke a few years before. The feedback about her had been positive and they all said she was unique and one of a kind, just a great person. I didn't think anything of it, but was curious to meet Alexis because Paul and her had been writing letters to each other for almost 3 years. He said he fell in love with her through her letters and knew that he would marry her. Alexis was a great girl. She was strong, independent, and radiated strength. She matched Paul evenly and they were great together. The one strange thing is that Alexis and Brooke weren't roommates, even though they were both students at the university. Alexis and Paul had gotten a place together even though Paul's dad disapproved and took every opportunity to let them know that. Brooke was roommates with Lance's girlfriend Autumn. Autumn was a real bitch. Hot as hell, but a bitch. She treated Lance like shit. I don't know for sure, but I highly suspect she might be cheating on him. I have no way to prove and doubt Lance would take my word, and Autumn is one of those chicks that could get by with anything. So I say nothing. Autumn knows I've seen her with that other guy, though, but she says nothing to me when the whole group gets together.

I've been trying to think of a reason to have a one-on-one conversation with Brooke, and I can't think of one. The whole group is supposed to get together for dinner in a few days. I go over in my head all the things I could ask about. I've thought about talking to Alexis to see if there's a way that she could help me maneuver everybody so that Brooke and I end up sitting next to each other. It'd be so easy for a one-on-one conversation to take place then. I can't let anybody know how I feel. It makes no sense that I can feel this strongly about Brooke when I've only said 'hi, how are you, nice to meet you' to her. Alexis would be cool and wouldn't tell anybody.

It would suck if the rest of the guys found out. Although, I do think Marty & Hayden might be pretty cool about it. Sometimes I wonder if Ed's brother Declan wouldn't be another possible connection to Brooke. He's got several classes with her.